IZ Chronicles
by TenshiSuzume
Summary: An Irken Invader decides that he's had enough of destroying planets to turn into parking garages and whatever else the Tallest decided to do with the planets they conquered so he fakes his death and heads toward earth.
1. Disguise

Disclaimer: I don't own Invader Zim; it belongs to Vasquez...and unfortunately Nickelodeon. (I always thought this show should have gone to adult swim on cartoon network)

yup so this is the first part of my stories involving my very own irken Zak. Yea he doesn't seem all that friendly, but with the exception of skoodge they aren't really _.

This story was in one of my composition books just waiting to be posted and be read, though I never got around to it-alot of stuff went down this past month.  
Anyway if you happen to read it tell me what you think-it doesn't even have to be that long of a comment.

(Btw if you haven't guessed already IZ here stands for Invader Zak not Invader Zim, the beginnings of both their names starting with a z is a coincidence)

~~~~~~Wednesday night~~~~

It had been a month since I had come to the city to settle down. I had been to several countries and various islands and had enough of the tribal inhabitants and the bizarre cultures and their inedible meats. Even though I enjoyed the city of Kyoto I'd decided it was time to continue on my mission, and I wanted to get away from all that fish.

on the way to my designated city I'd come up with several stories I could tell the people if they got suspicious of me, but when I looked back on my travels I realized that the people were so stupid it wouldn't be necessary. I'd even learned some ways to blend in with the humans of each place I visited; this city couldn't be that different.

unfortunalty my mission required that I to attend the local skool. The human's educational system was pretty poor compared to the rest of the universe, it was a wonder their planet was able to function with these morons running it. But I shouldn't complain, compared to what I've been doing since I got here this is going to be pretty easy.

The one thing that threw me off was the fact that the people here have parents, and since I didn't have any and am about as big as an earth child I needed to make parents to not arouse suspicion. I made them myself and had haribo look them over with me for any bugs in their system I'm proud to say that they are as functional as the earth parents. And since I had to have a last name, another thing about the earthlings that threw me off, I took on the last name Fischer along with my parents Emma and Joshua. Since i had to disguise the robot I made him a smaller human child disguise and passed him off as my little brother Sid.

The dots on my ceiling began to run together and expand the walls seemed to be closing in on me, though I knew they really weren't it felt that way. The white gave it the feeling that the space could go on forever sucking me in with it if I wasn't careful. Feeling like I couldn't take it much longer I got up and turned off the light. It was suffocating. I needed out of the room.

Heading down the stairs I thought of painting the room to make it seem more inviting. Every time I was in there I had the urge to turn out the light and just lie on the bed feeling the suffocating cloud that washed over me, even though I knew doing just that was feeding my depression.

Spotting the robot I went over to him, he was still wearing the human disguise I made for him. He was watching a soap opera about a woman that was slowly turning into a potato. As she flailed around on screen I had enough.

"Sid."  
"uh huh?" he was still watching the screen  
"what do you think of my disguise?" every country I went to I changed my appearance to match the natives.  
Sid just stared at me for a moment  
"you should make yourself lighter." he smiled idiotically  
"what's that suppose to mean?"  
"you look like one of the emo's." Sid laughed.  
I scowled at him  
"this is what the kids around here wear, I'm blending remember?"  
"Ya I remember." Sid smiled and climbed onto of the TV to watch his show upside down.  
Somehow I don't think he remembers.

I headed into the kitchen and pressed the button that was on the side of the refrigerator, stepped in and was lowered to my equipment room. There was a cylinder like opening in the side of the room, I went inside it and brought up pictures of the local kids clothing preferences.  
It looks like theirs, it was a little darker than the kids wore but I liked it that way. The years of wearing that pink outfit I hated so much didn't leave room for any kind of personal style. Once I was sure there was nothing wrong with my disguise I left the cylinder and headed back to the transport tube. I needed to check on the experiment that I was working on.


	2. Crucial Ingredient

Disclaimer: I don't own Invader Zim (though it would be pretty sweet if I did) it belongs to Vasquez...and those tards at Nickelodeon.

Yea this was pretty much about zak trying to find beans for his experiment lol. I think it's pretty obvious that I made up some (ok all) of Zak's equipment as it's not made by the vortians or irkens (unless it was made by Zak) but I'll get into where he gets his necessities for his experiments in later chapters.

I'm going to point out any inconsistencies here (whenever zak refers to his robot in flashbacks-as there will be-he calls him Sid even though the robot didn't get a name until he came to earth since zak's the one narrating the flashbacks, unless I say he's not) in case you all were wondering...

p.s. for those of you wondering why zim and dib don't show up that often I'm going to say-and I think I've said this already- that this story is mainly about my invader not zim or the other characters of invader zim.

Anyways onto the reading of stories!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Thursday morning~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I had been up a good part of the night researching the effects of the powder I'd been trying to perfect; I just needed one crucial ingredient...beans.

"Damit!" I said annoyed "I don't have any beans. It won't be complete without it."

"It's time for you to be bored to death." the base computer said.  
"Great I'll stop at the market later." zak stated.  
"You know you could just take it from the school." the computer haribo stated  
"...I could. Couldn't I?" the computer was right why buy something you could just steal? He was doing the same with the houses and base electricity.

As I headed out the door I turned back to face Sid.  
"Look after the house Sid, and don't destroy anything."  
"Uh huh." Sid said not looking at me.

Locking the door behind me I headed down the block. Using my gps to look at the route to the school it looked like I'd take me about 20 minutes of uneventful walking. It was a good thing I had my player on me. Before I had come to earth I never actually listened to music much. That was something that was simply unheard of on irk and most of the planets I've been too. It also distracted me from other thoughts I didn't like to dwell on.

I was listening to Linkin Park catalyst when I arrived at the skool, it was about as shabby looking as I expected. Humans didn't put much stock in education.

A tap on my shoulder made me jump; I turned to see a guy with a freakishly happy expression standing there. Taking out my headphones, I chided myself I should be paying closer attention to what I'm doing otherwise I would have sensed him coming.

"Ya?"  
"you must be zak."  
"and who're you?" i don't remember giving him my name  
"I'm Mr. Simon, one of the 5th grade teachers. If you'll follow me I'll show you to your class." he said still smiling. Creepy.  
I followed the perpetually happy man into the skool and down one of the long ass hallways. Some of the doors caught my eye.  
'Radiation burns.' 'Containment.' 'Testing.' 'The end.' wait what? I looked again it was just a janitor's closet.

"What kind of skool is this?" I muttered  
"what was that?" Mr. Simon had stopped in front of a door.  
"Nothing" he guy unnerved me a lil  
"this is your class." he said suddenly looking nervous, looked at his watch "I've got to get to my class now." he said turning and leaving.  
What a strange guy. I knocked on the door.  
"Its open." something hissed  
I opened the door and walked inside and stood in front of the class.  
"I'd like you all to meet the newest hopeless appendage to the skool. zak." a snake like decrepit woman said. "You!" she pointed at a red headed kid with a gazillion freckles "your face makes me sick." she pushed a button and the boy disappeared into a fiery pit screaming.  
"You'll be sitting next to dib." she pointed at another boy with huge nerdy glasses and a shaved front mullet mohawk like hair.  
I went to sit next to him.  
"Anyone have any questions about the lecture?" the woman asked not really caring if they did  
"that doesn't have anything to do with zim being an alien." she continued glaring at dib. He lowered his hand and turned to glare across the room at a green skinned kid on the other side of the room.  
Ms. Bitters, it suits her I thought a lil amused.  
I had noticed zim as I walked in and was surprised and a lil disappointed at his horrible disguise. He only had a wig and contacts on he was still wearing the irken uniform and his pak was clearly visible. It's no wonder that dib kid knows what he is. If that wig somehow came loose his antennae would be out for all to see.  
A bell rang and all the kids rushed out, must be lunch.  
"What do you want?" I was a lil annoyed from being bored by Ms. Bitters lecture over a man eating beaver and his doomed victim.  
"Don't you see that he's an alien?" dib asked getting in my personal space and pointing at zim down the hall.  
"Ya, I can see that."  
"finally someone who-hey!" I pushed past him and went down the hall with the other kids. That dib kid is smart but annoying.  
The second I walked into the cafeteria I was overwhelmed by a sickening smell. I haven't smelled anything like that since I was stuck in the forest of Ganche surrounded by its tribal people.  
If it smells like this the taste must be twice as bad.  
A look at a passing kid's tray confirmed my thoughts. It was appeared like grayish fermented garbage...and was that an eye looking at me? Ugh.  
A sign next to the serving line caught my eye. STAFF ONLY. That must be where the food supply is, hopefully they'll have what I need.  
I made my way over to it stealthily and making sure nobody was watching I slipped inside the door. If the stench in the cafeteria was worse it was nothing compared to the reek of the cooking area. Thankfully the only person in here was turned away from me stirring a pot of the fermented garbage. The woman was maybe 300 pounds wearing a dirty white coat and doing a weird kind of shimmy that made the urge to puke come up, but I managed to keep it down and went looking for the beans.  
I finally found a door that said supply, must be the food source to their disgusting meals. Inside were rows of canned foods well past their expiration date. On one of the middle selves I saw it, the beans I'd been looking for. And it was fresh thankfully; I stuck it in my pak and headed out the room holding my nose as I passed the pot of garbage. I cracked the door and making sure nobody saw me I headed back out to the cafeteria in time for the end of lunch bell to ring.  
Great just in time for another lecture o'doom.  
Back at my seat dib continued to glare at zim out of the corner of his eye, possibly thinking of ways to uncover the truth about him. Zim took out a small device and stuck on a nearby students back, the thing sucked out some kind of clear liquid.  
I can't believe nobody else noticed that, these people are really blind. Dib waved his hands frantically.  
"Do you guys seriously not see that!" pointing at the device on the kids back. It suddenly disappeared as everyone followed dib's finger to a now device less back.  
"What're you talking about?" "There's nothing there." "You psycho."  
"What's wrong with you people?" dib cried  
the bell rang as dib was just about to start his rant that zim was an alien.  
Some of the kids flung themselves out the window perhaps thinking the cement below would crush their heads so they didn't have to hear more of Ms. Bitters doom lectures. I headed out the door with the saner kids and through the front door.  
I was beginning to worry about what destruction Sid was making inside the house.  
"Haribo." I said  
"what?" the computer's bored voice said in my ear. My earring also served as a communicator to haribo.  
"Has Sid done anything to the house?"  
"just the kitchen."  
"what'd he do to it?"  
"used your tazer to try and barbeque pancakes."  
"dammit I just cleaned that-I'll see you at the house."  
I cut the transmission. That stupid droid's antics distracted me from paying attention to my surroundings. I went into the tall bushes next to me and climbed up the tree stealthily. I looked down to see the person that was trailing me in the shade of the tree I was in. I jumped down in front of nosy bastard and slammed him into the tree.  
"Why are you following me?" I hissed at him  
"let me go! I wasn't following you!"  
the guy tried to get out of my grip but just ended up squirming around.  
"Then why were you behind me the whole way here? What are you doing in the bushes?" I demanded  
"will you let go? I need...air."  
I let him go and he moved from the tree. Dib?  
"I was following zim to his base, I'm going to get proof that he's an alien!"  
"how long have you been getting proof on him?"  
"a year."  
wow, that's kinda sad. His plans must be as full of holes and unplanned as zim's.  
"Hey wait!" dib sad as I left his hiding place. "Where are you going?"  
"home, don't follow me." I need to finish that powder.  
"But you're the only one that believes me. He has to be exposed!" dib cried.  
"If you can manage to get some evidence on him and show me I'll consider it." I doubted that it would actually happen.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~my house~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Sid!"  
"whaaaat?" the robot drawled coming over to me, he was covered in BBQ sauce and batter.  
"What did I tell you about messing up the house?"  
"...not to."  
"and you did anyway. I want you to clean up the mess you made and stop using my equipment to bake stuff."  
I headed to the kitchen shute.  
"...I was making the pancakes for you." Sid said going back to the kitchen.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~my lab~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

the brown powder fizzed inside the glass container. Creating a small hazy cloud that smelled of blueberries. I eyed the concoction for a bit before I was satisfied. I smiled in triumph, bask nal was finally complete. It may be unnecessary but I wanted to be cautious, especially in case that dib kid catches on to me or manages to get past my defenses somehow. And if he finds out zim will too. He'd be more difficult to deal with.  
With this I can replace a memory, making them forget they even figured out my secret.  
I placed the container inside a miniature fridge and headed out of the room.


	3. Surveillance

Disclaimer: I DON'T OWN SQUAT, except this candy bar, you can't have it.

TA DA! Ya so dib and zim have a lil fight in zim's lab as Zak observes it all. Why dib goes through all that trouble just to get some pictures when he could install a camera instead is beyond me.

"Sid"  
"hm?"  
"I'm going into the viewing room don't bother me unless it's important."  
"what would be important?"  
I sighed. "If you find zim or that robot gir anywhere near my house tell me."  
"oookay, I'm going to get you dust bunnies!" he cried diving under the couch.  
I really need to get his brain looked at.  
"Haribo take me to the viewing room."  
The disc descended.  
"How's your new friend the big headed kid hmm?"  
"He's not my friend." I said putting emphasis on friend.  
"Sure."  
I scowled at him.  
When I got into the room I sat in my chair and brought up the xe ne I put on dib. Sure enough he was still sitting in the bushes; he's never going to get anywhere like that. I switched over to the one that I had follow zim.  
The recording came up showing zim in the school's air duct. It went on for a bit before he finally stopped at an opening looking inside for a bit removed the metal and dropped inside the room. xe ne followed him into the room and attached itself to the ceiling.  
zim was inside the radiation burn room, and was looking through what appeared to be a box of needles.  
"He can't really be thinking of using an infected needle on dib is he?" for some reason that thought made me a lil worried but I shrugged it off.  
Once he had found what he was looking for he used his spider legs to get back up the duct. And out of the school he headed for his house and went inside. And sat on the couch with gir for 4 hours during skool arguing about the angry monkey on the show.  
"That was less eventful than I thought it would be."  
Switching back to dib's camera I saw that he had gotten tired of sitting in the bush and went up to zim's front door somehow escaping the slow garden gnomes.  
"Did he actually think that's going to work?"  
after dib knocked gir opened the door.  
"Hello?" gir said in his idiotic way.  
"Is zim here?" dib asked  
"INTRUDER! NONE MAY PASS!" he had gone into sir mode and brought out guns from his head to point at dib.  
"Where is he, gir?"  
"out." he had gone back to his dumb self and motioned for dib to come inside  
"that was easy." dib muttered.  
No kidding, what a dumb sir unit. They both went inside and walked over to the kitchen where a toilet was sitting. A toilet in the kitchen?  
"Is this it?" dib asked the bot  
"uhhhhhh sure." and flushed the toilet as dib stepped inside.  
"gross." dib said as he was flushed inside the house.  
He landed inside one of zim's many labs.  
"Why is a toilet the entrance to his base, and in the kitchen." dib thought out loud apparently still grossed out.  
He headed over to a glass cabinet lined with containers of strange liquids on every shelf. There were some powders, a red gel like substance that had something unidentifiable floating inside of it that looked like a body part of a specimen of a distant planet. They all had labels that did couldn't read as they were in Irken which dib's computer couldn't translate since his system had never seen a language quite like the Irkens, or any other language from outside his tiny planet.  
"I can't believe I'm inside one of zim's labs. With these pictures I can expose him for what he really is. And people will finally stop thinking I'm crazy!" dib exclaimed as he took photos of zim's lab and some of the experiments that zim was still working on. None of which would actually lead to the destruction of this planet I noted, they weren't powerful enough or just sloppily done.  
Dib made his way across the lab, camera flashing at everything he found interesting when he finally came to the back wall where the pods were attached to the wall. They led to other parts of zim's base; it seemed dib had figured that out as well. He stepped inside the closet one, as he did the door closed behind him.  
"Wow, these must lead to other labs and more incriminating stuff." he must not have made it to the pods before. Though he had been trailing zim for a year now.  
Dib looked around the space trying to figure out how the elevator pod worked. He noticed a small computer screen on the side wall with some irken writing. dib not knowing what they meant began pushing random buttons hoping it would take him further into the base and not back up where he came from. The pod eventually started to move down into the lower levels of the large basement. When the doors opened another lab waited for dib to explore. This one was used for experimenting on things that might not have been safe to do on the upper level in case the experiments escaped.  
An animal lay strapped to a table; I think it was a squid. It looked smooth and was the color of mother of pearl. Its eyes were closed so I think it was asleep or dead. Didn't matter to me either way. Dib made his way around the lab marveling at the advanced technology he would never be able to make or get himself.  
As I was getting bored of dib exploring the lab I switched over to the je sha on zim. He was making his way down the driveway towards his house. This suddenly got more interesting. At least I wouldn't have to take the camera away from dib as he always seemed to lose his evidence because he never knew when to quit and just take the evidence he could get and leave.  
Gir was watching the TV as zim entered the living room. The zit begone commercial playing with an overly dramatic teen looking depressed because of the fake monstrous zit on his face. Zim looked like he was about to say something to gir but paused and looked around the living room.  
"It smells like human in here. GIR!" zim glared at the robot  
"whaaat?"  
"did you let somebody into the base again?"  
"uuuuuh maybe," he thought for a second. "Well that big headed boy came by, I like him...his head smells like a puppy!"  
"where is he now?" zim hissed  
"I FLUSHED HIM DOWN THE TOILET!" gir squeaked  
"next time someone knocks at the door, ESPECIALLY that FILTHY worm-baby don't let him inside the base. That's why I made the roboparents." he pointed to the two inept robots he made that were currently smacking each other the robo mom ran into the wall creating a weird tutu shaped dent. Zim apparently used to this ignored them.  
"TAQUITOS!" gir screamed and kept watching the TV which was showing the angry monkey show now.  
zim headed into the kitchen all the while cursing his robot for letting the big headed boy in. he climbed into the toilet and flushed himself down to the labs that dib was in previously.  
"Ugh! It smells even more human in here. How long has he been-ah!" zim yelled as he ran over to the cabinet that dib had been going through. "Good nothing's missing, I'll make that dirt child pay for going through my stuff."  
zim looked around for dib till he got to the back wall where the pods stood and went into the one that dib had used. Zim could tell which buttons dib had pushed because he had left fingerprints on several of the buttons. Which irkens didn't have, since their "fingers" were actually claws.  
When the pod door opened dib was still looking around the lab and taking pictures.  
"DIB! You stink-BEAST! GET YOUR FILTHY HANDS OFF MY EQUIPMENT!" zim yelled and ran at dib.  
"I don't need your machines with these photos I'll show everyone what you really are!"  
dib ducked behind a table just as zim went sailing over it his claws barely missing dib's face. Dib ran back toward the pods, zim recovered and used his spider legs to jump over the tables and landed on dib. They had a five second wrestling match before dib finally kicked zim in the spleedelespooch. As zim was holding his side dib made it to the pods as he was inside one of zims spider legs managed to get in and swipe the camera from dib's hands just as the door closed.  
"No! All that work for nothing! But I have to get out of here first!" dib began pushing random buttons. And got the elevator to go back up inside the house which threw him out of the toilet. He headed out of the kitchen into the living room.  
"Gir grab the DIB!" yelled a voice from behind him. Zim had come out of the toilet behind dib and was holding his side. gir who was still watching the angry monkey show jumped off the couch and in front of dib his eyes glowing red, for a second it looked like dib wouldn't make it out of the house but gir quickly went back to his dumb self and instead of capturing dib began break dancing complete with a boom box. Dib used this moment to run past gir and out of the house. Heading to the safety of his room.  
"Gir! How could you let that barely evolved monkey into the base?" zim chided gir  
"but he's so nice." gir reasoned in his dumb way.  
I had seen all I needed to. I switched off the monitor and thought for a moment. Zim had taken care of the photos so I didn't have to do it myself. If dib had left earlier he could have gotten out of the base without zim knowing he'd been there because gir wouldn't have said anything about it. But he got greedy, just like his species nothing is ever enough. Though that could be applied to irkens too I thought.  
I headed back to my chemical lab to perfect the other powders I had been working on.


	4. Stolen Information

Disclaimer: Ich bin nicht eigenen Invader Zim, es gehört zur Vasquez und einige Kanal nicht der Rede wert.

*isn't my German flawless?*

by earth standards Zak is a vegetarian. Surprised? I wouldn't think so; remember how zim always gets burned by the dreaded meat of doom? What better way to get out of eating it than to be a vegetarian? Except fish, yes fish. I just had to put DDR in there somewhere, only put most of the song to fill up space _.

The next chapter is a flashback of Zak's and shows one of his mishappenings the first time he landed on earth. None of it will be geologically or historically correct as that's one of my worst subjects. And come on its fiction people.

R&R my squishies

~~~~~~~~Friday Skool~~

I was feeling pretty confident that my experiments had gone well including that mishap that dib had with zim had turned out to be a failure. Some of the powders I had planned on taking into the city later and testing them on the locals to make sure they worked properly.  
In class dib looked like he had been in a fight the night before, he was obviously tired and bruised. He's lucky zim hadn't been able to use his claws on him; otherwise he'd be in the hospital fight about now. Dib spent the hour drawing supernatural creatures in his notebook and glaring over at zim every couple of minutes who was messing with a mini computer and ignoring dib's glares. Somehow everyone and Ms. Bitters who was too busy lecturing about doom to notice the alien device. Even though dib was a lil beaten up he still seemed determined to get evidence on zim and expose him to the world. Though he'd done it for a year without managing to get any evidence on zim. I had to admire his audacity, even though nobody believed in him and constantly humiliated him he still tried to stop this planet from being destroyed by zim. That still didn't mean I didn't find him somewhat annoying.  
The day went by in a blur and it was finally time to go home. Some of the kids threw themselves out of the window wanting to be as far away from the building as fast as possible.  
Dib followed me out to the bus, I'd have to get used to the idea that dib seemed to consider me somebody he could talk to. Made my job easier, a direct source to zim.  
"I've got something to show you." dib said as we sat at the back of the bus.  
"Like what?" probably some of his big foot pictures.  
"I managed to get some photos of zim's base and video footage."  
I was a lil shocked but didn't show it. After all the time he spent spying on zim of course he'd have some pictures of zim.  
"How'd you manage that?"  
"I snuck into his base while he was gone of course. He thinks he destroyed the evidence but I had another camera with me." dib was proud of himself.  
"And now you'll help me right?" dib looked at me expectantly  
"of course I will.' I had no intention of doing so.  
"This is great!-" dib ranted all the way to our neighborhood while I blocked him out.  
As the bus rolled around the corner and out of site of the block I followed dib to his house.  
A purple haired girl was sitting on the couch and playing a device I figured out was a game slave. The name fit as she seemed too engrossed in the game to notice her surroundings, it might be fused to her hands.  
"Who's that?" she asked not looking up.  
"This is Zak, he's going to help me expose zim as the alien menace that he is!" dib exclaimed.  
"whatever." she said ignoring us.  
We headed up to his room to watch his video. His room was full of gadgets and a monitor. It's almost like a mini lab with a bed, I mused. I wondered how much of his time was spent monitoring zim's movements. He sat as his desk and popped in the disc into the computer. It was his adventure into zim's base that night. As we watched the tape and dib blabbed on an on I thought about what other evidence could be stashed away in this room. I wondered why he hadn't been able to expose zim yet even with all this evidence.  
"And when I show this to the swollen eyeballs they'll finally believe me!" the rant ended at last.  
"The swollen eyeballs?" what kind of name is that?  
"It's this organization of people that research the paranormal like me." dib seemed very proud to be part of this organization.  
So he's not the only one that researches the paranormal on his planet, though they must not have found any proof of aliens if they needed dib to get the evidence for them. It's a good thing I brought a vial of bask nal with me. While dib was occupied digging through some more tapes I dug the vial out of my pak and uncapped the bottle just as dib was turning around I threw the powder into his face which turned into a cloud that covered his head.  
"what the-" he exclaimed before the powder took effect and he got a glazed look in his eye.  
"Give me the disc dib." he handed over the evidence to me.  
"After you left zim's base last night you got attacked by some of the neighbor's dogs and your camera and pictures got destroyed. You brought me over to your house today to show me the evidence you have on zim, all of It." after dib had given me the evidence he collected yesterday the cloud dissipated. He came too got all of the videos and discs that he'd collected on zim and dumped them on his bed. I can't believe with all of the evidence he's gotten on zim he hasn't shown it to anybody. Either dibs not as smart as I thought or the people of this planet were truly as dumb as rocks, which was fine for me.  
It was late before I had managed to return back to my base to find Sid playing DDR on the TV. The music that blared through the screen was somewhat similar to our language, strange how close the Japanese language seemed to be to Irken. I could make out some of the lyrics as I had spent some time in Japan myself when I first arrived to this strange planet.  
"Hey master, want to play?" Sid asked as he danced to the beat on a pad with four arrows, he was surprisingly good.  
"I don't think so."  
I was self conscious; dancing was never something I was good at. I've never encountered dancing until I arrived at this planet some time ago. It appeared to be very important to these humans as each culture had their own style of dance. They even had whole TV channels dedicated to the art. Irkens had no such thing as dancing, after all what good was dancing when you had more important objectives like taking over whole worlds for your leaders?  
"Oh come on, its fun!" Sid grabbed me and pulled me over to the mat next to him.  
He picked a random song on the machine and started to dance.

Ay, iyaiyai,  
Ay, iyaiyai  
A-a-a iyaiyai,  
Where's my samurai

Sid started dancing and at first it was hard to figure out how to follow this strange dance.

I've been searching for a man  
All across Japan  
Just to find, to find my samurai  
Someone who is strong  
But still a little shy  
Yes I need, I need my samurai

about halfway through the second verse I got it, you move where the arrows tell you to go. As I started to dance the easier it became to do and not think.

Ay, ay, ay,  
I'm your little butterfly  
Green, black and blue,  
Make the colours in the sky  
Ay, ay, ay, I'm your little butterfly  
Green, black and blue,  
Make the colours in the sky

I've been searching in the woods  
And high upon the hills  
Just to find, to find my samurai  
Someone who won't regret  
To keep me in his net  
Yes I need, I need my samurai

Ay, iyaiyai,  
Ay, iyaiyai  
A-a-a iyaiyai,  
Where's my samurai

we played some more songs after that one, Sid got tired after a about an hour so I took him up to his room and placed him on the bed. since Sid was technically a robot he didn't need to sleep but since he was a little defective he would sometimes just turn himself off at night and sleep for a couple of hours. I considered what I could do for the next couple of hours before school started again. I went down the hall to my own room and laid on the bed listening to more earth music. If I ever left the planet I made a mental note to take some of their music with me. It was always nice to have a break to sit and listen to music after working all day. I closed my eyes and let the steady rhythm of the music relax my muscles for the first time that day. I let my mind wonder to events and memories from when I first landed on earth. Unfortunately my run in with the pygmy people floated across my mind.


	5. FlashbackThose Savages

Disclaimer: I own nada, not even a map.

Just one of the many misadventures that he's had since coming here. Don't lecture me about pygmy people and how they don't eat people or what they do eat- its fiction just roll with it.

You never do find out how Sid knew about the turkey considering the villagers didn't tell him-it's a mysterious mystery.

R&R-flame-comment-bake me a turkey-whatever floats your flaky boat. 

Pushing a branch out of my way I continued to run through the forest. It was dense, dark and more importantly I lost Sid awhile back and couldn't get in touch with him. No matter how many times I called him through the communicator he didn't answer, I wondered briefly if those savage people managed to damage the device. For the moment I was just glad that I had somehow finagled my way out of getting captured by the pygmies. Who knew that primitive weapons could do such damage?

When I was sure I wasn't being followed anymore I huddled by a near tree and examined my wounds. They weren't that deep and didn't show any signs of becoming infected; I took a minute to calm down then got down to planning. How was I going to get Sid back from those dreadful pygmies if they had captured him? Who knows what they could have done to him if they actually caught Sid.

I imagined them picking Sid apart with their primitive tools, throwing him into a cooking pot and doing one of their sacrifice dances around him that looked more like epileptic seizures than actual dancing. But it was stupid to think that way. Even with all of his stupidity he was capable of taking care of himself. I got up from my hiding spot and faced the way that I came from. I wasn't going to be walking back to their camp. What was the point of having my spider legs if I didn't use them? I ascended to the trees and headed toward the pygmies camp all the while wondering how Sid was doing and he had better not have got himself captured by those people. I shook my head to get out the negative thoughts, getting paranoid and worrying wasn't going to help me get him back. After some time I reached the outskirts of their camp. I scanned the area before I dropped from the trees, didn't want to get into any unnecessary fights on my way into the camp. I could smell a pot of something cooking, and it smelled horrible. A small column of smoke rose above the village. I got out of the trees and headed towards the huts, hiding whenever I felt one of the pygmies get near.

I noted that their houses were poorly made, bricks and mud made up the structure while the roof was just mud and straw. How did these people keep the rain out? When I figured it was relatively safe I got out from behind the hut and made my way into the center of the village, all the while the chanting became louder and I could hear some of the villagers banging on the drums. After a couple of minutes of walking I could see the gathering circle. In the middle like I suspected was a cooking pot, a couple of the natives stirred the nasty stew. Around the edges of the circle some villagers were playing some flutes and drums while some people danced spastically around the pot. It looked like the people were having seizers but I guess they considered that good dancing. Sid was nowhere in sight but I had to make sure that the people didn't have him. I cautiously made my way around the camp looking for signs that Sid had been there. Just as I had cleared to the other side of the gathering circle I heard some strange grunts from behind me, it sounded like the pygmies were trying to communicate but couldn't get the words out quite right. I turned just in time to see a fist come out of nowhere and hit me in the head, knocking me out cold.

The next time that I opened my eyes the world appeared to be sideways, my back was uncomfortably hot and I realized that I was above a fire next to the cooking pot. The nasty smell of the vegetables floated over to me and I thought, are they cooking me to put in their stew? Not only were these people freakishly primitive they were cannibals too. If they were going to cook me they could at least put me in something that smelled good. I wriggled in the ropes that bound me to the pit to see if I could get out without much difficulty. I could use my claws but my hands were bound making it difficult to move my fingers. seeing that I was awake one of the natives came over and poked me with a stick and making more of his unintelligible sounds, and of course I had no idea what he was saying but I guess he wanted me to be quiet since I was disturbing their weird chant before they cooked their meat. Great not only was I going to be their food but I had to listen to their hideous music and watch their monkey dancing. The man stopped poking me with the stick finally and went back to dancing with the others. I tried moving one of my fingers and started to use my claw to cut the ropes when the chanting stopped. I started cutting at the rope faster before they could try to skin me and stick me into their pot. But the people didn't move they just sat there staring down the aisle they had made for someone to show up. Probably their chief since I didn't see one sitting among the villagers.

The villagers stirred as someone began to make their way down the aisle toward me. It was hard to make out any features at this angle, the only thing that stood out was a headdress made of bird feathers and sticks and a necklace made of things I didn't want to think about at the moment. Their chief was fairly short compared to the other people of the village, he'd probably be below my height by a couple of inches; he was also metallic, what the hell? As he walked the people began chanting again he stopped next to me and raised his hand and the people halted in their chanting.

"Sid?"  
"Heya Zak!" he waved dumbly "I was looking for you and then I met these people and they gave me this hat annd-"  
"that's great Sid, can you get me down now?" I surprised that they made Sid their chief when they were just hunting him not too long ago.  
"Suuure" he untied me and put me on the ground.  
My muscles were stiff from being tied up for about half an hour. The natives around me were grumbling, I guess they weren't so happy about losing their dinner. Sid suddenly opened his head and got out a live turkey and tied it to the stake that I was just on. The people ignored us and turned their attention to the turkey, they didn't seem to care that I wasn't their meat supply for the night.  
"Sid, what's going on here?"  
"we should leave now. I wanna see haribo."

ya we should probably get going before those people remember that we're still here. As we walked away from the bonfire Sid took off the headdress and necklace and put it on one of the natives. He seemed surprised for a moment until the other people noticed and bowed to him, as we left he was flexing his muscles for the crowd.

"What happened back there Sid? Where did you go?"  
"I was running away from some of them and they caught me with a net and took me back to the village, and then they gave me the feather crown."  
we stopped on the outskirts of the village, it took me a minute to realize where I had followed Sid. It was a graveyard full of carelessly put together graves and sticks shaped like crosses stuck into them. Skulls hung on all of the sticks, which I assumed belonged to the victims.  
"They wanted to eat you, cause they said your spirit would help them float to the sky...or something."  
"Then why'd they just let me go?"  
"Cause there's one thing they like to eat more than strangers"  
"and that is?"  
"turkey." Sid laughed and headed out of the grave site and back to the ship where haribo was waiting.


End file.
